The Chronicles of King Joffrey
by VaronTheUnbelievable
Summary: The Chronicles of King Joffrey is a Game of Thrones fanfic that involves short parodies that center around King Joffrey as he tries to rule, and deal with problems in the Seven Kingdoms. (Yes, Game of Throne fans this series is meant to be humorous.)
1. Joffrey Lends Bronn Money

Bronn entered the Red Keep of King's Landing. He approached the iron throne to face King Joffrey who had summoned him.

"Well I'm here." Bronn said, as he looked a Joffrey and put his arms to his sides.

"How dare you address me like that!" Joffrey said.

"How should I address you then?" Bronn asked, acting like he was confused.

"When you approach the King you bow down and say hail Joffrey ruler of the seven kingdoms." Joffrey answered. "You should know that you little worm."

"I thought most of them were in rebellion." Bronn replied.

"It doesn't matter if they are or not!" Joffrey snapped back. "I am still the rightful ruler of the seven kingdoms whether there in rebellion or not! Now leave the throne room and come back and address me properly!" Bronn walked out of the throne room and came back a few seconds later.

"Hail Joffrey." Bronn said, as he bowed. "Ruler of the seven kingdoms, except the ones from the North who Robb Stark is now king of." At this point Bronn was just saying things to amuse himself.

"NO! NOO! NOOO!" Joffrey screamed, as he got up from his throne. "Robb Stark is not the king of anything!"

"Well don't the northern people say he's the king of the north?" Bronn asked.

"It does not matter what the northern people say!" Joffrey yelled back. Joffrey's face was beginning to turn red with anger. "Robb Stark is nothing more than a traitor, and he will be executed one of these days! Now leave, and come back and address me the right way or else!" Bronn walked to the end of the throne room . As he was walking back he was thinking about how to address the king this time. When he reached Joffrey he said.

"Hail Joffrey king and ruler of seven rebellious kingdoms." Joffrey was boiling at this point. He clinched his fists and said in an enraged but slow voice.

"What da hell is wrong with you? Are you so stupid that you cannot even address a king properly?"

"The kingdoms are in rebellion aren't they?" Bronn asked, as he crossed his arms casually. At this point Joffrey had, had enough of the situation, and just sat back down and looked at Bronn angrily. "So dear king." Bronn continued. "What is this issue you wanted to see me about."

"You know exactly why you are here." Joffrey replied. "It's time to pay your debts back."

"Are you talking about the five billion gold dragons I borrowed from you last month?"

"Yes." Joffrey replied. "We agreed that you would pay back the five billion gold dragons at the end of the month, plus interest."

"How much is the interest?" Bronn asked. Joffrey motioned for Lancel Lannister to come forward. Lancel walked next to Joffrey and opened a scroll.

"The agreement was King Joffrey would lend Bronn five billion gold dragon on the condition that he pays back the money within a month along with five billion gold dragons in interest." After his reading Lancel bowed to Joffrey and walked back behind the iron throne.

"And what if I don't?" Bronn asked.

"If you don't." Joffrey answered, with a sinister look on his face. "I will have you executed and take everything you own."

"That does seem like good motivation to pay it back." Bronn replied. "But what if I haven't got it at the moment?"

"What did you say!?" Joffrey asked enraged.

"Sorry, I spend the golden dragons you lend me on a new castle" Bronn replied. "This is the first time I borrowed money and I did not know the rules."

"In that case." Joffrey said. "You had better come up with the ten billion gold dragons by the end of the day or I'll have your head!"

"If I may ask." Bronn continued. "How did you get five billion golden dragons so quickly? I thought King's Landing was almost bankrupted."

"Well umm." Joffrey replied a little nervous. "I borrowed it."

"Well how did you pay it back?" Bronn asked.

"I haven't yet." Joffrey answered back. "I will pay the bank back once I get the money from you. Now give me my gold dragons now or I'll have my guards kill you on the spot!"

"So, from what I understand." Bronn replied, in a somewhat serous voice. "People who do not pay their debts gets executed."

"Yes." Joffrey said, and motioned for his guards to execute Bronn. The seven King's Guards pulled out their swords and started to surround Bronn. Bronn pulled out his dagger. Joffrey smiled at what was about to happen.

"Any last words thief?" Meryn Trant said, as he readied his sword to swing.

"I just want to remind you." Bronn replied. "That after you kill me for my crime, you have to kill the king for his."

"How dare you threaten the king!" Meryn Trant shouted.

"I'm not." Bronn continued calmly, as he put his dagger away. "The king told me himself people that do not pay their debts get executed. Does that not apply to everyone?"

"Yes." Lancel said. "Once a law is pasted even th…."

"Shut up!" Joffrey screamed cutting off Lancel. Joffrey was getting nervous again at this point, he knew Bronn was right. Joffrey told the King's Guards to return to their posts. Before Joffrey could think of what to do next. The doors of the Red Keep opened and Tyrion Lannister walked in and approached Bronn.

"I heard the king had summoned you." He said as he shook Bronn's hand, "and I wanted to see what type of trouble you got yourself into."

"Were actually in quite a dilemma here." Bronn replied. "I borrowed five billion golden dragons from Joffrey…"

"You did what!" Tyrion cut in. "What are you going to do with all that money? and more importantly." He continued, as he turned to Joffrey. "Where did you get five billion golden dragons!? Last I checked the kingdom barley had ten million." Bronn answered before Joffrey could.

"That's just the thing he borrowed it and has not paid it back, but he says I need to pay my debt back." Tyrion and Joffrey exchanged angry stares.

"A Lannister always pays his debts." Tyrion said to Joffrey. "You cannot expect other people to pay their debts when you, the king refuse to pay your own."

"The king does what he likes!" Joffrey yelled back.

"Well hear is another question." Tyrion replied. "What in the world possessed you to borrow five billion golden dragons just to lend them to someone? I highly doubt you did it out the kindness of your heart."

"I thought I would lend it to Bronn, and charge him more interest than the bank and make three to four billion golden dragons." Joffrey answered. "Now force him to pay!" When Tyrion heard this he just shook his head.

"Common Bronn." He said. "No need to pay your debts when the king will not pay his own." Bronn and Tyrion started to walk out of the room.

"Where are you going!?" Joffrey screamed standing up. "That man owns me money!"

"This is the example you're sending. People do not need to pay their debts." Tyrion shouted from across the room, as the doors to the Red Keep closed behind him. Joffrey screamed in a rage for a few seconds and sat back down. He boiled for a few minutes then called for Lancel Lannister. When he arrived a few seconds later Joffrey said.

"Petyr Baelish is a magician with money. Find him and tell him we need seven billion golden dragons to pay the bank."


	2. Joffrey's Halloween 2014

**(Author's intro) "King Joffrey is too lazy to go trick or treating, so he invokes a candy tax on the people. In addition to that he sends Lancel and the Hound to go trick or treating which ends in a run in with a cult loyal to Stannis Baratheon."**

It was Halloween night in the Seven Kingdoms and each leader celebrated in their own way. Robb Stark celebrated with his men. Daenerys Targaryen handed out candy to the trick or treaters. Stannis Baratheon allowed Lady Melisandre to try in summon dark spirts to help win the war. Walder Frey did not care about holidays so him and his castle did nothing. King Joffrey sat with members of the small council to discuss want to do on the holiday.

"My king." Lord Varys said. "My birds tell me that most of the leaders of the rebellious armies are taking the night off to celebrate Halloween. What plans do you have on this day my king?"

"I don't have any plans." Joffrey replied. "There is no way I would dress up in a ridiculous costume and run around from door to door getting candy, and I doubt any of you want to either. Although some candy would be nice. Sir Petyr Baelish how much candy do we have in storage?"

"None." He replied. "We ran out of candy two weeks ago. We ordered more but Robb Stark ambushed the shipment and is probably consuming it right now." Joffrey slammed the table.

"I will have his head for this! Guards bring me Sansa Stark maybe he sent her some."

"The rest of the city has candy your grace." Petyr Baelish said. "It's just the palace that is out."

"We should go buy some immediately." Grand Maester Pycelle suggested.

"That is out of the question thanks to some foolish actions." Tyrion Lannister said looking at Joffrey who returned an angry look. "The kingdom is billions in debt, and we cannot spend money on useless items."

"But I want candy!" Joffrey screamed. The council doors and Sansa Stark walked in.

"You called you grace."

"Your brother attack one of my shipments of candy and stole it!" "Did he send you any for Halloween?"

"Yes, your grace a box of chocolates."

"Well bring it to me at once!" Joffrey yelled.

"I can't your grace. I've already eaten it, but I can throw it up if you want." Sansa taunted.

"Get out of my sight!" Joffrey screamed in rage. After Sansa left Joffrey and the counsel spent the next five minutes trying to figure out how to get candy.

"I have an idea." Cersei Lannister said.

"Well speak up mother, lets her it."

"My brother Tyrion is small enough to be mistaken for a child. Why not make him go trick or treating and get candy for us." Tyrion gave her a nasty look.

"There is no chance of that happening." He replied.

"I am the King!" Joffrey screamed, leaning towards Tyrion. "And I order you to do it."

"I don't care." Tyrion replied. "My dignity forbids me to do it." Another five minutes went by.

"I've got it." Joffrey said smiling. "I will invoke a candy tax. Each trick or treater will be forced to give fifteen percent of their candy, and in addition to that I will send my squire Lancel Lannister to go trick or treating."

"Kings Landing's population is around half a million." Varys said. "That could actually work." Every member of the small council expect Tyrion agreed with Joffrey.

"Am I the only sensible one here?" He asked. "You're going to tax children most of which are under the age of ten?"

"Yes." Joffrey replied getting up from his seat. "Now I have to inform Lancel and the City Watch about the plan. The meeting of the small council is adjourned." After informing the City Watch of the candy tax Joffrey awoke a sleeping Lancel to inform him he was going treat or treating.

"I will not do it!" Lancel begged, pulling the covers back over his head. "Please don't make me." Joffrey ripped the bed sheets off the bed. Exposing a frighten Lancel.

"I command you to get out of bed and go treat or treating!"

"But my king!" Lancel continued to beg. "It's dark out and its Halloween which means the streets will be filled with people dress in scary costumes."

"All shut up Lancel." Joffrey said, getting more angry. "Now get out of bed and put on a costume!"

"I haven't got one." Lancel replied. "Ever since I was a kid I had a phobia of Halloween night. I probably will pass out before I reach the first house."

"Well, if you so scared you can take the dog with you." Joffrey screamed for the Hound who enter the room a few seconds later. "Dog." He said. "Lancel is too scared to go treat or treating by himself so go with him and make sure the person at every door he goes to gives him candy. Also tell the City Watch to carefully inspect any candy from Flea Bottom. I don't want any old candy or candy covered in feces." Despite Lancel pleading Joffrey dumped the contains of his dresser on the floor.

"Here." Joffrey said. "Picking up a red hooded cloak from the pile of cloths. "You will go as Little Red Riding Hood and the Hound will go as the wolf."

"But my King Little Red Riding Hood is a girl!"

"And your whining as much as one!" Joffrey replied handing him the cloak. Joffrey also found a wicker basket with a handle. He gave it to Lancel to collect the candy.

Lancel and the Hound walked out of the Red Keep and begun treat or treating. Lancel nervously went from door to door collecting candy and the Hound made sure people were giving it to him. They had been trick or treating for an hour when Lancel knocked on a door and got no response.

"No one is home." He said, and started walking down the front stairs. The Hound pushed him aside and kicked down the door. After a few minutes the Hound emerged from the house and slammed a bag of candy into Lancel's basket. "Was anyone home?" He asked.

"Yes an old man was lying dead at the bottom of the stairs." The Hound replied eating a piece of meat he had gotten from inside the house.

"Well should we go help him?" Lancel asked.

"He's dead let him rot." The Hound replied as he walked to the next house.

The Hound and Lancel treat or treated for another two hours. The night was pretty uneventful other than a few times when the knights of the City Watch were slamming resisting parents to the ground in front of them. The hound and Lancel were on the last few houses of the rich districted in Kings Landing. Lancel knocked on the door of a dimly lit house as the Hound ran to help the City Watch push back a mob of angry parents. A man answered the door dressed in a hooded black robe.

"Lady Melisandre." He said in a nervous voice. "What are you doing here?" Before Lancel could answer the man pulled him in the house. The next thing Lancel knew he was being seated at a dimly lit altar with four other men wearing the same black robes as the first one.

"Lady Melisandre you put yourself in great danger coming here. We thought you were going to summon the dark spirts from Stannis' castle and we were to channel them here with the dark altar." Lancel did not know what to do. He was just hoping the Hound would get here soon.

"The dark altar is in place we are ready. Once the spirts are summoned they will begin attacking Kings Landing and Lannister blood will be spilled." Lancel started to panic as all five cultists started chanting. About thirty seconds later a large fire started on the table. Lancel started screaming in terror and jumped out of his seat.

"What a minute." One of the cultists said. "That's not Lady Melisandre!"

"Who is it then?" Another cultist asked.

"Now I recognize him." A third cultist spoke. "That's Lancel Lannister." All five cultists got out of their chairs and pulled out daggers. Then they screamed and charged Lancel. He screamed and ran for the door. Lancel was a few feet from the door when it violently opened striking Lancel in the nose. Lancel fell to the ground in pain as the Hound entered the room with his sword drawn. The five cultists came rushing around the corner ready to kill Lancel. The Hound drove his sword through two of them at once. The other three tried to put up a fight but the Hound easily sliced them in two. After the battle was over the Hound picked up Lancel.

"Get the candy basket and let's go home."

"My nose is bleeding." Lancel said, in a stuffy voice.

"Well put your hand over it." The Hound said annoyed.

Ten minutes later the Hound and Lancel returned to the Red Keep and were in the Great Hall. Joffrey got off his throne and walked over to them.

"Well struck dog." He said happily, looking at the basket full of candy. "Well struck!" King Joffrey motioned for the members of the small council to come forward. "We have candy."

"My King." Lancel said, "You won't believe what I've been through tonight I…"

"All Shut up." Joffrey replied. "I don't want you're whining interfering with the mood. Just go to bed or whatever just leave, but bring me a glass of milk before you do." Lancel brought Joffrey his milk and ran for the safety of his bed. Everyone was looking at the contents of the basket when Bronn who was Lord Commander of the City Watch entered with ten carts of candy behind him. Joffrey rubbed his hands together and ran over to the carts. The Hound went over to Bronn.

"Tell your men in the City Watch that I killed members of a cult loyal to Stannis Baratheon."

"If there's any more of them we'll get'em." Bronn replied confidently.

"Bronn how was your night of terrorizing the people?" Tyrion asked.

"Not fun." Bronn replied. "Lots of children screaming at the top of their lungs, parents resisting, and taking candy from a baby is not as easy as people say it is."

"Well I fear that was only the beginning of the repercussions this latest stunt by the king will bring."

"Enough talk out of you two." Joffrey said, with a month full of candy. "Let's dig in!"


	3. Joffrey Gets a Toothache

**(Author's intro) "Joffrey wakes up one morning to a terribleToothache. To get it fixed Joffrey, The Hound, and Tyrion head to a new building outside of King's Landing called a Dentist office, created by a man from a far off land with strange technology. How will Joffrey react to these new technology and getting the rot removed from his tooth?" **

It was morning in King's Landing; King Joffrey awoke and got out of the royal bed. He bathed, got dressed then went to join his Mother, Lancel, and Tyrion for breakfast.

"Sleep well dear?" Cersei Lannister asked sipping some milk.

"Yes fine Mother." Joffrey replied as he sat down in his royal chair. Joffrey then ordered Lancel to bring him pancakes, orange juice, and his favorite food which was royal grapes. Lancel reached across the table gathered Joffrey's order and handed it to him.

"We received a raven from Casterly Rock and the news is not good." Tyrion said as he handed Joffrey the message, then he noticed Joffrey holding his lower jaw as he chewed.

"What has he done this time?" Joffrey said annoyed, as he prepared to read about the latest damage Robb Stark had done. "All great Daenerys Targaryen has landing on the stores near Sunspears. Joffrey slammed the table in frustration. "It's not like I have enough problems already."

"I'm sure your Grandfather and Jaime will come up with something." Cersei said confidently.

"I would not take this new situation lightly." Tyrion said. "It is very possible that many of our citizens will support her gaining the Iron Throne."

"If they do I'll have their heads." Joffrey said, as he held his left lower jaw as he chewed.

"Actions like that is the reason why she may gain support."

"How is she a better ruler then me?" Joffrey asked.

"Well for one thing Daenerys Targaryen handed out candy to child on Halloween, she did not take it from them… Like one King did."

"All shut up!" Joffrey screamed and winked in pain.

"Why do you keep holding your lower jaw?" Tyrion asked.

"My wretched tooth has been hurting since I got up, and the pain is even worse when I eat something." Joffrey replied.

"Perhaps you should see Grand Maester Pycelle." Cersei suggested. After Joffrey finished eating he went to Grand Maester Pycelle's Alchemists chamber. Grand Maester Pycelle was sitting at a desk mixing a few liquids together.

"What are you doing?" Joffrey asked as he sat down.

"Trying to figure out a way to create a new light source Your Grace." He replied. "There is a species of worms in the local caves that can glow in the dark, so I was gridding them up in the hope of finding a new light source for the castle."

"Whatever, I need to speak with you at once." Joffrey replied.

"Of course You're Grace. What do you need?"

"One of my confounded teeth has been hurting since I got up, and I need you to give me something that will make the pain go away."

"Well let me take a look at your tooth Your Grace." For the next few minutes Grand Maester Pycelle looked over Joffrey's teeth and got more information on his symptoms.

"It appears rot has set in on your fourth bottom tooth on the left. We will need to remove it to stop the pain." Joffrey looked at him in shock.

"No one is taking a pair of plaiers to my teeth! There must be another way to remove the rot."

"It turns out your grace that a man from one of the distant countries from across the sea has set up a shop that fixes teeth in a village right outside King's Landing. I believe his shop is called a Dentist Office. They say he has advanced technologies that allow him to remove rot without taking out the tooth."

"Ok I'll go there." Joffrey said, happy to hear the good news.

"I will arrange an appointment for you immediately." Grand Maester Pycelle replied

Two hours later Joffrey, the Hound, and Tyrion arrived at the dentist office of Dr. George Saint Pierre.

"I still do not know why you insisted on coming alone." Joffrey said to Tyrion as he tied his horse to a stall.

"I'm curious about the advanced technologies this place is rumored to have, plus I wanted to see how you will handle getting the rot taken out." Joffrey looked at Tyrion angrily as the three of them headed into the dentist office. Joffrey opened the door and was shocked at what he saw. A clean white painted room that was lit by strange bulb shaped objects. Odd chairs were positioned on strange green carpet. There was a small line of common people in line at the receptionist desk, which Joffrey did not hesitate to cut in front of.

"My Lady." He said to the receptionist, who was typing on some sort of machine. "Tell the dentist I have arrived to get the rot removed from my tooth."

"Ok dear." She replied smiling. "But you see there are other people already in line, so you can head to the back of it with your Father and Brother and we will be with you shortly." The Hound and Tyrion looked at each other ready for the coming storm. Joffrey screamed as he slammed the table.

"That is not my Father! That is my dog, and the imp is my Uncle, and I am the King! Now get your healer out here this minute or I'll have your head!"

"Well Your Grace." She replied now realizing the king was scheduled to come in. "The dentist is currently with another patient. If you what to take a seat he will be with you in a moment."

"I don't care who he is with!" Joffrey's face was now red with anger. "For the last time I order you to tell the dentist that his king commands him to get out here at once or both your heads will be on spikes along Traitor's Walk. The frightened receptionist ran to get Dr. George Saint Tomas.

"Ever wonder what the King's Landing would be like if we did not have a vicious idot for a king?" Tyrion asked the Hound.

"All shut up!" Joffrey yelled before the Hound could answer. "Why don't you do something useful while I'm getting the tooth rot pulled out and examine the strange objects they have around here." A few seconds later the dentist came into the waiting room.

"Forgive me Your Grace I am Dr. George Saint Pierre, but you can all me Dr. George. We only moved here a few weeks ago and did not know you were the king."

"Shut up, I am not interested in your life story." Joffrey replied. "Just remove the rot in my tooth and all will be forgiven."

"Of course your grace, please follow me." Joffrey followed the dentist, while Tyrion and the Hound sat down in the waiting room. The dentist lead Joffrey down a hall and then into a one of several patient rooms.

"Take a seat Your Grace, and we will get started." Joffrey looked around the room for a few seconds. He was amazed at the sight of the strange looking cabinets and sink that could bring forth water just by turning a nob. After Joffrey was done sightseeing he sat down in the chair.

"What is that arm above the chair?" Joffrey asked.

"We call that the dental curing light, its purpose is to provide more light for me to see with when I am working." Dr. George pushed a petal at the bottom of the chair that made the chair lean backwards until Joffrey was nearly on his back.

"How does this chair move on its own?" Joffrey asked curiously.

"It runs on electricity. You're country seems to not have developed it yet. We had to bring a generator that runs on animal manure to get power."

"I have no idea what you just said, but whatever magic you are using to create light without fire I want it. So, I will sending some members of the Alchemists' Guild to discover how to create it in King's Landing."

"Of course You're Grace, whatever you want." Dr. George replied as he started to place a patient bib on Joffrey's chest.

"What are you doing?!" Joffrey yelled.

"Normally we place this on patients to prevent stains from getting on their cloths."

"I am a king." Joffrey replied. "I will not wear a baby bib! If you're worried about stains place the towel over there on my chest." Worried what would happen if he did not meet the King's demands Dr. George quickly grabbed the towel and used it in place of the patient's bib, then he wheeled a chart full of medical instruments over to Joffrey. The dentist instructed Joffrey to open his month, and then he picked up a mouth mirror and a sickle probe and started to scrap Joffrey's teeth. The dentist had scrapped about seven of Joffrey's teeth and started to scrap an eighth one when Joffrey screamed in pain. Dr. George quickly pulled the instruments out of Joffrey's month.

"Stupid fool!" Joffrey screamed in rage.

"I'm sorry Your Grace I needed to find exactly where the cavity was. Now that I know I can begin the process of removing it." Dr. George replied nervously.

"The sooner the better, carry on." Joffrey replied. Dr. George went back over to the tray of tools and pulled out a large needle.

"What is that for?!" Joffrey screamed in alarm.

"It's full of a drug called novacane; it will numb your month so you will not feel any pain when I remove the cavity." Joffrey got out of the chair and looked right at Dr. George.

"If you do not put that needle down at once I will have the Hound pull your intestines out!" Dr. George quickly put the needle back.

"We can proceed without the novacane Your Grace, but it may be quite painful." He replied in a now very nervous voice.

"Not as painful as having a giant needle shoved into my month." Joffrey said, sitting back in the chair. Dr. George got the dental drill ready. He wanted more than anything to get Joffrey's tooth done so he could go back to non-hostel patients. Dr. George once again told Joffrey to open his month and started the dental drill up, and then he started cutting out the rot. The feeling of pain filled Joffrey's mouth as he felt pieces of his tooth being cut away. He screamed and shoved Dr. George to the ground.

"Please You're Grace. I tried to warn you it would be painful without novacane I…"

"Shut up!" Joffrey screamed as he got out of the chair and loomed over a cowering Dr. George. "I was told that you could remove rot without pain! Instead I find a place closer to a butcher shop! I am done with this; I will find another way to remove my tooth rot." Joffrey started walking out of the patient room.

"Your Grace." Dr. George said as he got back up and followed him. "You cannot leave yet, your tooth has a hole in it."

The Hound sat in the now empty waiting room as Tyrion stood up examining a light bulb.

"It's amazing that this piece of glass can create more light then a candle can." The Hound looked uninterested. Tyrion placed the light bulb in a bag along with a pen, and the blue prints for a computer and generator he had gotten from the receptionist earlier. "Sir Sandor." Tyrion continued. "I have often wondered, why do you allow yourself to be Joffrey's dog?"

"The life of a dog is not that bad." He replied. "I get free housing, I can drink as much wine as I please, and all I have to do in return is my favorite hobby killing." Tyrion was surprised; he never realized how good the Hound actually had it.

"My you are a sly devil." Before the Hound could reply there was commotion coming from inside the doors that lead to the patient rooms. A few seconds later an angry Joffrey burst through the doors.

"We are leaving this butcher shop!" Joffrey screamed.

"Your Grace please the tooth will get infected." A tired Dr. George pleaded as he ran into the room.

"Hold on a minute." Tyrion said to Joffrey. "I want to find out what happened." Tyrion took the dentist back through the patient room doors as Joffrey continued his fit. "What happened? You can tell me anything you want." When Dr. George heard that he started venting.

"I must say My Lord he is the worst patient I have ever had! He refuses to listen to anything!"

"That does not surprise me." Tyrion said, unsurprised. "Did you remove the rot?"

"No, I started the process of removing it, but I could not finish because he got mad and stormed out of the room. I tried to tell him his tooth will get infected because it has a small hole in it but he will not listen!"

"Understood just let me handle it." Tyrion replied and walked back into the waiting room. "You need to go back in there and let the dentist finish removing the rot in your tooth or it will get much worse."

"I will not spend one more second in this wretched building!" Joffrey screamed. In his anger he bit down on the small hole in his tooth, and howled at the intense pain. "You made the pain even worse! I will punish you." Joffrey said, in a serious voice as he angrily stared at Dr. George, then he started walking towards the exit but was stopped by the Hound.

"Just get back in there and finish getting the rot removed. You're acting like Lancel." Before Joffrey could say anything Tyrion spoke up.

"If you do not get that hole filled in you will continue to be in intense pain, and that will make life miserable for everyone in King's Land." Joffrey turned around to face Tyrion, but before he could get a word out the Hound grabbed a flower pot off the receptionist desk and smashed it over Joffrey's head. Joffrey hit the ground as Tyrion, the receptionist, and Dr. George stood there looking shocked.

"You've KOed the king!" Tyrion said, in a surprised voice.

"Even I get sick of him sometimes." The Hound replied as he picked Joffrey up. "Someone find me some rope, we will need to tie him down."

Joffrey awoke just in time to see the novacane needle enter his month. Joffrey felt the needle pierce is skin. He tried to move but quickly realized he was tied down, and a device was holding his month opened. A few minutes later his mouth went numb.

"This will only take a few minutes Your Grace." Dr. George said nervously, as he started to drill. His only thought was getting this done, and then running for his life. He did not want to be around when Joffrey was untied. Joffrey screamed as he felt parts of his tooth being chipped away. After the drilling was done Dr. George placed a filled in the hole in Joffrey's tooth.

"I am all done Your Grace. Wait just one second and I will be back." Dr. George ran out of the room and into the lobby. "I have finished removing the rot. You can untie him now." After that Dr. George grabbed the receptionist's hand and they both ran out of the office. Tyrion and the Hound went into the patient room and untie Joffrey who leaped out of the chair and screamed.

"Where is he? I will have his head."

"He ran away and is probably long gone by now." Tyrion answered. Joffrey just stood there for a few seconds and seethed with anger, and then he asked in a slow demented voice.

"What I want to know now is who knocked me out!" The Hound and Tyrion were about to make up a story when an old man entered the room.

"Excuse me." He said in an old voice. "Have any of you seen Dr. George? He was in the middle of cleaning my teeth an hour ago, then he left due to an emergency and has not returned."

"He did." The Hound answered pointing at the unsuspecting man.

"Bring me his head for striking a king!" Joffrey screamed. Before the man could react to the situation the Hound drew his sword and beheaded him.

"Now, I know that feeble old man could not drag me into the dentist chair and tie me up. So, tell me who tied me up." Joffrey asked.

"We did." Tyrion replied. Joffrey turned around and stared right at him.

"What you did is punishable by death."

"Does your tooth hurt anymore?" Tyrion asked.

"Well No." Joffrey replied realizing that the hole in his tooth was gone.

"Then am I going to be put to death for helping the king?" Joffrey did not know what to say to that. He thought for a bit, and then he just threw his hand to his side and said.

"Forget it lets just go home. I'm tired and I have no feeling in my mouth." Tyrion gave a thumbs up to the Hound, and the three of them headed back to King's Landing.


	4. Joffrey Takes An Intelligences Test

**(Authors intro) "Wanting to prove his superiority to the Starks and people of Westeros Joffrey takes on Bran Stark in an intelligences test, but when it turns out Bran is too young to take the test who will take it for the Starks?"**

Joffrey sat on the Iron Throne. "To the traitor and tormentor of the realm Robb Stark." Joffrey said, to Petyr Baelish who was writing the letter for him. "I the true king of the realm wish to prove once and for all to the people that I am the superior King not only in the art of combat but in the art of knowledge, so I am challenging you to an intelligences test that will be held at a neutral location. If accept the challenge I will defeat you, but if you do not accept the challenge it will show the people that you fear me. Now sign it King Joffrey and send it to Robb Stark by raven."

"At once Your Grace." Petyr Baelish replied. "May I ask how you plan on winning this challenge?" Joffrey scanned the room to make sure no one was listening and then smiled sinisterly and motioned for Petyr Baelish to come closer to him and whispered.

"The whole thing is a trap. The intelligences test was created by the Frey's who are a secret ally of ours. The test contains questions that I already know the answers to, but Robb Stark will not know the answer to one of the questions. The end result will be Robb Stark suffering a humiliating defeat.

"A most cunning plan Your Grace. Showing the people your enemy is incompetent is a great way to defeat him." Petyr Baelish replied. A few minutes later he attached the letter to a raven and send it to Robb Stark.

**A few hours later at the Stark Camp.**

Robb Stark read the message from Joffrey to Catelyn Stark.

"It's a trap, it has to be. Just throw the note away and forget you ever got it." Catelyn Stark replied.

"Mother you know as well as I do if I do that Joffrey will use it against us any chance he gets, plus it would be nice to embarrass him."

"Robb you have a duty to your troops, and you have a meeting with Daenerys Targaryen in a few days. You cannot simply leave and risk everything to embarrass Joffrey."

"Your right." Robb said. "I cannot go, but we can send another Stark. Bran is smart and Joffrey getting defeated by someone younger will make him go crazy." At first Catelyn refused the idea, but after discussing it further she agreed. Robb wrote a letter with some new conditions back to Joffrey.

**A few hours later in King's Landing, Joffrey read the letter to the members of the small council. **

"Joffrey, I would be happy to accept your challenge and defeat you, but due to duties as a leader on my part I cannot accept your challenge. However I will send my brother Bran in my place. I do not know if this whole thing is a trap, so I want some conditions met before we Starks accept the challenge. First the challenge area is to be held at the library that is located on the borders of our current territories. Only you and Bran are allowed in the library, and the judge of the test is to be the librarian who is loyal to neither of our kingdoms. If you accept these terms I accept the challenge."

"Those terms seem fair." Tyrion Lannister said.

"I agree." Lord Varys commented. "My birds have informed me that Robb Stark's words in this letter were honest."

"Good." Joffrey said in a happy voice. "Send a raven back to the Starks telling them I agree to the terms, and prepare to be crushed. Also send a raven to Lord Frey telling him the location to send the tests." Petyr Baelish left the room to write and send the letters. "Now excuse me." Joffrey continued standing up. "I must set out for that library at once. I cannot wait to see the Stark boy's face when I defeat him."

"Joffrey, Walder Frey created the intelligences test?" Tyrion asked.

"No." Joffrey replied. "Men loyal to Walder Frey did."

"So, this whole thing is a trick." Tyrion continued.

"Not really the Starks have a chance. It's not my fault I already know the answers to the test." Tyrion was not at all surprised by this.

"Why does it matter where the test comes from? Joffrey will be victorious with any type of test." Cersei Lannister said confidently.

"Thank you mother." Joffrey commented, then he walked out of the room. On his way to the royal carriage he spotted Sansa sitting in the royal gardens. He walked up to her and put quill in from of her face.

"Look at it." He said sinisterly. "This quill will cause your traitorous family a great defeat."

"I heard you will be taking on my brother Bran in an intelligences test. My brother always studies hard, but I am sure you studied harder." Joffrey looked at her in shock.

"A king does not need to study. He already possess great knowledge. You will kiss this quill when I return." After he finished taunting Sansa he headed for the royal carriage. Joffrey was about to get in when he spotted Bronn and Tyrion heading towards him.

"What is it Uncle? I do not have time for a moral lecture." Joffrey said annoyed.

"I'm just here to see you off." Tyrion replied. "I noticed the Hound is not accompanying you. Where is he?"

"Dog is off with some Lannister men hunting a certain butcher that is fleeing justice."

"I assume your referring to the very dangerous Dr. George." Tyrion said sarcastically.

"That man is a butcher! Remember what he did to my teeth?!" Joffrey screamed.

"He fixed them." Tyrion replied.

"All shut up!" Joffrey screamed back. "I brought justice down on him by ordering his shop to be raided and burned to the ground, and while doing that I acquired new technologies for King's Landing.

"Now if only we could make them work." Bronn added. Joffrey had enough, he slammed the carriage door and ordered the driver to leave.

Two days later Joffrey arrived at the library. The carriage driver opened the door, and Joffrey got out and started walking towards the library. When he passed one of the horses it pooped and some of it hit Joffrey's shoe.

"I'll have you head!" Joffrey screamed as he shook his figure in the horse's face. After having the carriage driver clean his shoe off Joffrey entered the library.

"Good Librarian, I am Joffrey king and ruler of the seven kingdoms."

"Your Grace." The Librarian said in an old voice. "Nice to meet you." He extended his hand and Joffrey shook it. "I must say it is an honor to be a judge in this contest. Comes this way please." The Librarian and Joffrey walked over to a large table with a chair at each end. Rows of books surrounded them. "Your opponent the Stark boy has not let arrived."

"He's probably at home cowering in fear." Joffrey replied with a grin on his face. "By the way who are you loyal to anyway?"

"No one Your Grace, I just run the library. I care nothing for politics as long as my library is not threatened." Before Joffrey could respond Bran arrived on the back of Hodor.

"Hello Lord Stark." The Librarian said.

"Hello." Bran replied, as Hodor sat him in the chair across from the chair Joffrey was sitting in.

"How does it feel to be in the presents of a king, and how does it feel to knowing you're going to let your family down by losing?" Joffrey asked.

"Robbs my king, and I won't loss." Bran shouted.

"Excuse me Lord Stark." The Librarian cut in. "How old are you?"

"Ten." Bran replied. A frown came upon the Librarian's face.

"In that case you cannot take the test."

"Why!?" Bran asked shocked.

"By law you must be at least 16 to be the champion of a kingdom." Joffrey jumped up and started cheering.

"In that case victory is mine! I did not even have to use my pen to defeat you!"

"Wait." Bran said. "The Starks have a champion. I choose Hodor to take the test for the Starks."

"Hodor?" Hodor said shocked. Joffrey started laughing historically.

"You Starks are so you retarded, you have to use a halfwit as your champion. Just give up now before you embarrass yourself future."

"Hodor's smarter then you think." Bran replied. "He watched me studying, he will kick your butt."

"You're talking to a king!" Joffrey screamed. "If you want me to destroy you fine, let the test begin!"

**King's Landing the same moment.**

Back at King's Landing Tyrion and Cersei sat in the throne room. The only sound in the room came from the rain and the occasional boom of thunder.

"The testing should have begun by now." Cersei said. "It is only a matter of time before he is victorious."

"Joffrey has created quite an advantage for himself, but why do I have a feeling he is going to be defeated anyway?" Tyrion asked. Cersei scoffed at him.

"You have no confidence in your king. I'll bet you 500 golden dragons that Joffrey will win." Cersei said in a cocky voice.

"You're on big Sister." The two of them shook on it, then the throne room doors opened and Tywin Lannister entered flanked by two elite Lannister troops.

"Father." They both said surprised.

"Children." He said as he walked up to them. "Has Joffrey left for his newest scam to defeat the Starks?"

"He left two days ago, and Joffrey as made sure he will win the test. He will bring honor to our family and shame to the Starks." Cersei replied.

"I know Joffrey secretly conspired with Walder Frey to create an intelligences test, but the only problem is that Walder Frey forgot to pay postage and the test never left his castle." A slight look of fear came over Cersei as Tyrion smiled at her.

"Wonder what I will do with all my golden dragons?" Cersei glared at him. "By the way father why are you hear anyway?"

"To ensure if that boy ends up embarrassing the family name it will never happen again." He replied in a serous voice as lighting struck the ground in the window behind him.

**At the same moment at the library. **

"What do you mean the test never arrived?!" Joffrey screamed.

"I'm sorry Your Grace. I was told a test would arrive before you two showed up, but it hasn't."

"So what happens now?" Joffrey asked.

"Never fear Your Grace I have a fifty question intelligences test in the back. If both of you agree to it I will bring it out and we can have the contest."

"Bring it out!" Joffrey said. Confident he could defeat Hodor.

"Hodor." Hodor answered back, as he picked up a quill. A few minutes later the Librarian brought out the tests and handed them to Joffrey and Hodor.

"Now the rules of the test are simple you have two hours to complete it, no using books for answers, and no distracting the other combatant. The test consists of questions that include the history of Westeros and other countries, the old and new gods, mathematics , and science. Are you both ready?" Hodor and Joffrey shook their heads yes.

"You can do it Hodor." Bran said sitting on the sidelines.

"Begin!" The Librarian screamed. Hodor and Joffrey both grabbed their tests and started working. Joffrey was still furious his test did not show up, but he was not worried in the least because he knew he could defeat Hodor. It was difficult but at the one and a half hour mark Joffrey finished the test. He looked over at Hodor who was mumbling Hodor to himself as he wrote. With ten minutes left Hodor finished the test.

"Did you remember to write the answers in the box?" Joffrey asked Hodor.

"Hodor." He replied as he walked over to Bran.

"Your Grace, Hodor I will now grade your tests and we will find out who the winner is." The Librarian walked over to his desk and started grading the test. Joffrey sat in his chair relaxed as Hodor was hunched in a chair by Bran nervously rubbing his hands together slightly saying Hodor. Ten minutes later the Librarian had completed his grading. He sent ravens to King's Landing and Robb Starks camp with the test results, then he walked over to the table were Joffrey and Hodor sat. "I have finished grading the tests, Joffrey you got thirty answers right out of fifty."

"I decided to give him a fighting chance." Joffrey said confidently. Knowing victory was near.

"Hodor." The Librarian said turning to him. Bran was eager to hear the results, and Hodor nervousness was at an all-time high. "You answered forty five out of fifty right. You win!" Joffrey's eye widens and a look of shock came over his face.

"Hodor!" Hodor screamed in victory.

"You did it Hodor!" Bran said happily as Hodor picked him up and danced around the library happily saying Hodor. Joffrey sat in shock for a few seconds still not convinced what just happened was real, then as reality started to sink in his rage got a hold of him… and he lost it. Joffrey flipped the table, started knocking down book shelves, and throwing books in every direction while shouting profanity.

"Your Grace." The Librarian said. "I am neutral you will need to pay for any damages you cause." Then he walked over to Bran and Hodor. "I think I'll join the Stark camp actually."

"Wise choice, what a sore loser." Bran replied, as the three of them watched Joffrey continue his rampage.

**At the Stark camp a few hours later. **

The raven and Robb opened the letter. "What does it say?" Catelyn Stark asked as her, Talisa Stark, and some of his generals waited for the answer.

"Bran could not take the test, because he was too young." Robb read. Catelyn Stark closed her eyes in defeat, and disappointed looks formed on the other's face. Robb smiled and continued reading. "But Joffrey was defeated by Hodor!" Hearing this the entire Stark camp filled with cheers.

**King's Landing the same moment. **

Meanwhile in King's Landing Tywin Lannister read the results to himself, as Cersei and Tyrion awaited the results. Tywin threw the letter on the ground and looked furious. Cersei slammed the table in defeat. Tyrion smiled and motioned for the money. Cersei handed it to him.

"How bad did the Stark boy beat him?" Tyrion asked.

"It was worse than that." Tywin replied in an angered voice. "He was defeated by the Stark's halfwit Hodor! That is it! Whether he like it or not the King is going to School!"


	5. Joffrey's Christmas 2014

**(Author's intro) "In the spirit of Christmas the Starks invite everyone in the seven kingdoms to a Christmas party. However Joffrey sees it as an opportunity to kill his enemies once and for all." **

"**Merry Christmas to all readers! The Chronicles of King Joffrey is still new, but thank you for your support so far! Look for many more episodes in 2015!"**

Everyone in Westeros liked Christmas a lot and for that one night of the year happiness and laughter took center stage. The King was not enjoying the happy season however, he stared down at his kingdom fuming with rage due to his recent defeat and embarrassment at the hands of the Starks. Joffrey looked at the giant Christmas tree in the middle of King's Landing. His imagination started to picture the tree decorated with the heads of his enemies.

"My King the daily meeting of the small council is about to begin." Lancel Lannister said, knocking on the door.

"Shut up Lancel!" Joffrey yelled. "I'll be out when I'm ready." Five minutes later Joffrey walked down to the small council meeting which was already taking place. The small councils seating arrangements was normally Joffrey at one end of the table. On the left side of Joffrey was Cersei, Grand Maester Pycelle, and Bronn, and on the right side of Joffrey was Petyr Baelish, Lord Varys, and Tyrion. The opposite end of the table was either occupied by Tywin or Jamie, and lastly Lancel waited on the table.

"Good of you to join us." Bronn said trying to keep a straight face.

"Let's just get this meeting underway, I am in a horrible mood." Joffrey said in an angry voice as he sat down.

"Cheer up." Tyrion said smiling. "People are supposed to be happy at this time of year, but I suppose getting defeated by a halfwit will make anyone angry." Hearing that caused the boiling volcano in Joffrey's head to erupt. His face had turned red as he stood up and shook his figure at Tyrion.

"I am only going to say this once so all of you listen! If I hear one person speak one more word about that…that disaster that occurred a week ago there head will be on display on Traitor's Walk, even if you are my own mother." Cersei looked at him in shock.

"I think he means it." Tyrion said pouring some more wine.

"I am in no mood for you today Uncle!" Joffrey screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Just sit down so we can continue the meeting, and don't worry once the Christmas season is over I have arranged an education program for you that will prevent any future embarrassment." Tywin said calmly. Joffrey sat back down. His vocal cords were beginning to hurt from all the shouting.

"Now as I was saying." Petyr Baelish said. "We have received a letter from the Starks that invite's all of us to a Christmas feast. They claim that even though we are enemies one day of the year we can put our difference aside and have fun."

"Did they only invite us?" Cersei asked.

"No, they invited every house in the kingdom, but so far only Daenerys Targaryen and her troops have accepted." Petyr Baelish replied.

"I think we should go no reason to be fighting all the time." Tyrion said. "Plus it will be nice to give Sansa an opportunity to see her family."

"I agree." Bronn commented.

"I cannot believe what I am hearing out of you two." Joffrey said in shock.

"I agree with them." Tywin said. Joffrey could not believe what he just heard.

"Not you too!"

"Joffrey, for three hundred and sixty four days a year I command an army and help run the kingdom. It will be nice to sit down and relax for a day. Plus it will also give me an opportunity to gain some information on the Starks and Targaryens."

"All great that make three of you! Let's just make things worse who else is planning to go?" Joffrey asked. Everyone in the room raised their hand expect Cersei who still seemed to be deciding. Just then the council room doors opened.

"Who let the dog out?" Jaime asked walking in with The Hound.

"Jaime!" Cersei said as she went to hug him.

"What's going on?" He asked as he embraced his sister.

"Well most of us are going to the Stark's Christmas party." Tyrion replied getting up from his chair and shaking Jaime's hand.

"I heard about that, and I plan on coming alone."

"Well in that case I'll go too." Cersei said smiling.

"This is such a wonderful sight. I'm so glad everyone is so happy." Joffrey said sarcastically. "I know before the Christmas party why don't we go outside and sing Christmas carols, or better let go to Flea Bottom and hand out presents? I am disgusted by all of you." After ranting Joffrey walked out of the council room.

"What's wrong with him?" The Hound asked.

"We cannot speak of it, the king's orders." Tyrion answered. "Now are you going to join us for the Christmas party?" The Hound said nothing and walked out of the room. Joffrey sat on his bed angry staring at the wall.

"I cannot believe they would want to spend Christmas with the Starks and Khaleesi." Joffrey looked out the window and I thought entered his mind Robb Stark and Khaleesi will be at the same place drinking and partying and I know where they are. A smile formed on the king's face as he got an idea, an awful idea. The king had a truly horrible awful idea.

Sansa skipped down the halls of the Red Keep happy humming to herself. She turned a corner and saw the Hound walking down the hall.

"Hey, Hound you coming to my brother's Christmas party?" She asked.

"No." The Hound replied.

"Why not?" She asked stopping in front of him.

"Because, I do not care for this festive season and all the dancing and singing that comes with it."

"Don't worry there will many other things to do besides that like wooden swords fights." That peaked The Hound's interest at bit. "There will also probably be pigs feet and wine." Sansa continued.

"I'll think about it." The Hound replied and walked away.

Half an hour later everyone going to the Christmas party was in the royal carriage. The horses harnesses were decorated in Christmas colors and small bells at been placed on the carriage. They were about to leave when Joffrey and The Hound came out. Joffrey was smiling and had his hands crossed over his stomach.

"Did you to decide to come?" Tyrion asked. The Hound said nothing and walked into the carriage.

"Didn't know you liked parties dog?" Joffrey said a little surprised.

"They have pig feet and wine. That is why I am going." He replied though the carriage window.

"Well get on with your rant." Tyrion said, expecting Joffrey to begin screaming about something.

"Uncle I have come to realize that this is Christmas and if you want to go to Robb Stark's Christmas party I am fine with it. I will stay here and spread the Christmas spirt with Sir Ilyn and the King's Guard." Joffrey replied speaking in a somewhat too happy voice.

"Sure you don't want to come?" Cersei asked. "Someone needs to teach the Starks how a true king should look like.

"No it's fine Mother. I need to stay here and run the kingdom in case something goes wrong." Joffrey replied.

"It's a three day journey to Robb Stark's party. The sooner we get started the sooner we will get there." Twin said and ordered the carriage driver to go. Joffrey continued to smile and waved goodbye as they disappeared into the distance. When they were out of site Joffrey got rid of his fake smile.

"Sir Ilyn." Joffrey said, in a serous voice. "Ready two horses we ride for Walder Frey's castle. This year is going to be the best Christmas ever."

It was night on the second day before Joffrey arrived at Walder Frey's castle.

"We made good time sir Ilyn. We still have a day before the Stark's throw their party." Joffrey and Sir Ilyn were escorted to Walder Frey's grand hall by two of his guards. When they arrived Walder Frey and Roose Bolton were sitting at a large table eating dinner.

"Lord Frey good to see you again." Joffrey said.

"Joffrey what brings you all the way out here?" Walder Frey replied recognizing his voice. "Sit down and eat." Joffrey and Sir Ilyn sat at Walter Frey's table and got some food. "By the way how did the Stark boy look when you defeated him?" Joffrey was about to explode but since he needed a favor he managed to keep his cool.

"Walder Frey do you celebrate Christmas by any chance?"

"No, I don't celebrate Christmas or any holiday." He replied grumbling.

"That's good to know, but how would you like to help me have a red Christmas by spilling Stark and Targaryen blood?" Joffrey asked sinisterly.

"What do you have in mind?" Roose Bolton asked in an interest voice.

"Robb Stark is throwing a Christmas party and the wreathed Targaryen girl is also there, and to make things worse my own council members went. So, I need you to send an attack force and kill every person that is not loyal to the crown. Once the attack starts I'm sure my people will join in the attack and we will have defeated our enemy's."

"What's in it for me?" Walder Frey asked.

"In return for your service I will give you the castle of either Robb Stark or Khaleesi, and the land around it." After hearing that Walder Frey agreed.

"We cannot assemble a large attack force in that short amount of time, but we can send a small group of men to kill the leaders and their generals." Roose Bolton added in. Joffrey leaned back in his chair knowing that soon his enemies would be dead.

One day later the party had started, and everyone was quite surprised when the Lannisters showed up. Sansa was the first one out of the carriage and ran to greet her family. Catelyn quickly ran to her and hugged her.

"Lord Stark you look well and your new bride is as beautiful as we have heard." Tyrion said.

"Thank you." Robb replied. "I am actually surprised your showed up."

"Even Lannisters need to have fun sometimes." Tywin said.

"You don't know how much it means to us that you let Sansa come along." Catelyn said, happily with tears of joy running down her face.

"It's Christmas." Tywin answered. "Plus I figured seeing her again would motivate you to pay her ransomed."

"So, where is the king?" Robb asked.

"At home boiling, his dog did come though." Tyrion replied, as the Hound walked by them.

"Hello." Talisa Stark said. Though she was kind of intimidated by his size.

"Forget the holiday greeting." The Hound replied. "Where is the wine?" Talisa directed The Hound to the tent the wine was in. He went in and was not seen for hours.

Hours had passed and everyone was having a good time playing games, talking, drinking, and having fun. All of the leaders and important people gathered in the dinner tent for the Christmas feast. Musicians played on a wooden balcony that was inside the tent. Tyrion and Bronn took a seat across from Khaleesi and her generals. They talked for a few minutes before Lord Varys approached the table with a worried look on his face.

"Tyrion may I have a word with you please?"

"Something wrong?" Daenerys asked. Noticing his worried look.

"Nothing at all." He replied trying to act happy. "Grey Worm nice to finally meet a man who shares my pain." Tyrion got up in a half drunken state and him and Varys walked out of the tent.

"What is so important?" Tyrion asked wanting to go back inside.

"The king has ordered an attack." He whispered. Hearing that snapped Tyrion out of his drunken state.

"What are you sure?!" Tyrion said shocked.

"Yes, my birds sang me there troubling song a few minutes ago. What do we do? I know it's Christmas, but our own king order the attack."

"There are some lines that should never be crossed, and attacking people on a day like Christmas is one of them. I was not ever aware that Joffrey was capable of such a thing." Tyrion replied angry. "How long until the attacking troops get here?" Varys looked around then whispered.

"I fear there already among us."

"Then we must warn the others!" Tyrion walked back into the tent and scanned the area. He saw Grand Maester Pycelle and Petyr Baelish eating at a table, Jamie and Cersei sitting down talking to Robb and Talisa, and then he noticed a man with his hand under his opposite sleeve heading towards Talisa Stark.

"Jaime!" He screamed as the man pulled out a knife and aimed it for Talisa stomach. Before the blade found it's mark Jamie grabbed the attackers hand and tore the knife from it, then he sank the knife into the attacker's eye. Talisa breathed heavily as everyone tried to figure out what was going on. Soon more Frey troops came charging into the tent. Robb Stark and some others drew their swords while other took shelter. Suddenly a volley of arrows was fired from the musicians who were really Frey archers. Most of the arrows missed, but one of them struck Lancel in the shoulder. He fell to the ground screaming in a loud high pinched voice. Another arrow struck the plate of pigs feet and chicken the hound was eating and sent the pieces flying. One of the pieces hit his bottle of wine causing it to spill. The Hound drew his sword furious his meal was destroyed. The Hound cut the pillars supporting the balcony with one swing of his sword sending the archers toppling to the floor.

"Attack my children!" Khaleesi screamed, soon her three dragons burned a hole through the top of the tent and set the pile of archers ablaze. The Hound stepped back and joined the others in the fight. A few minutes later all the men Frey men had been killed.

"Everyone ok?" Bronn asked as he stabbed a wounded Frey assassin.

"Looks like it." Robb Stark replied as he checked to make sure Talisa and the rest of his family was ok.

"Were good here." Khaleesi said as she ordered her dragons to land outside the tent. Lancel laid on the ground still screaming. Talisa went over to him.

"It ok I'm a healing." She said.

"It hurts so bad!" Lancel screamed in a winning voice. "I'm going to die aren't I? I must have lost so much blood by now!"

"You're going to be fine. The arrow is in your shoulder." Talisa said in a comforting voice. "It's going to hurt a little, but I need to pull it out."

"No it will hurt! I cannot take any more pain!" Lancel screamed in horror.

"Not as bad as having an arrow in your shoulder your enter life. Does someone have some wine?" Talisa asked. The Hound walked over with a new bottle. Talisa took the wine and put her hand on the arrow. "Take a drink of this, and when I count to three I'm going to pull it out."

"No just give me another minute!" Lancel screamed.

"This is pitiful." The Hound said annoyed. The Hound took the wine back took a drink, then grabbed a screaming Lancel by the collar and pulled the arrow out. Then the Hound slammed a bandage on his shoulder and told him to shut up.

"Or we could do it the Lannister way." Talisa said surprised.

"Who is reasonable for this?" Cersei asked in an upset voice.

"Walder Frey or Joffrey are the only two who would do such a thing." Catelyn Stark replied.

"How dare you insult the king!" Cersei snapped. "Silence your tongue or I'll send you to the Knights Watch with your husband." A fight almost broke out between the two of them when Tyrion said.

"She's right it was both of them."

"How can you be sure Joffrey was involved?" Cersei asked.

"Because, Lord Vary's birds told him." Cersei did not say a word after that. Tywin stood up on a table and started to speak.

"Due to this unfortunate incident I think we should call this celebration to an end, and I shall see you all on the battle field on day." Robb Stark and Khaleesi agreed. The Lannister got into the carriage as Sansa said good bye to her family.

"Good bye and be safe dear. I wish you did not have to go." Catelyn Stark said.

"I'll be ok, living with the enemy is the life of a spy." She replied and joined the Lannisters.

"What are we going to do about this?" Cersei asked. "I know he is my son and the king but tonight he crossed the line."

"I've already taken care of it." Tyrion said, as he sent a raven out the window.

Two hours later the raven arrived at Walder Frey's castle.

"At last!" Joffrey said happily. Roose Bolton started to read the letter as Joffrey eagerly waited to hear it.

"It's to you from you Uncle Tyrion. It says we had a great victory."

"At last it is done! I will reward you both for this!" Joffrey said ecstatic. "Well read on I want all the details." Roose Bolton looked down to read then his expression changed.

"Jamie won in sword fighting; the Hound won the drinking contest, and Tywin defeat Robb Stark in a game of chess. It was a great time, food was good you should have come. There was one small incident at the end of the night when troops from Walder Frey attacked us but we all worked together and fought them off. P.S. Lancel got shot in the shoulder, so you will be without a squire for a few weeks." Roose Bolton and Walder Frey stared at a shocked Joffrey.

"Christmas is ruined! Ruined!" Joffrey screamed in rage. "I cannot believe this! My own people helped prevent the massacre. At this rate the white walkers are going to have a better Christmas then me and they do not even celebrate it!"

"You owe me new troops." Walder Frey said. Joffrey continued screamed in rage and spend the rest of Christmas yelling, and on the night in Westeros they say Joffrey hatred for the Starks grew three times that day.


End file.
